Republican MathJanuary 21, 2011: The Republican majority in the House today unanimously passed a bill requiring schools to include “conservative math” in their curricula as a viable alternative to actual math. Among the provisions, 2 + 2 = 5 is to be taught on “equal footing” with “the dogma we have all been fed.”

“The notion that 2 + 2 = 4 is nothing more than a liberal plot to advance the Democrats’ socialist agenda and reflects the liberal bias in our schools,” said House Speaker John Boehner. He continues, “In order to restore equity to the education of our children and young people, we have passed the ‘Facts Have a Well Known Liberal Bias and Liberals are Commie Pinko Fags Math Reorientation Act’. I hope our Democrat colleagues in the Senate remember that the 2010 Midterms prove that everything we say is right and that we have a mandate from the American People. Just because the Democrats retained the Senate and hold the White House does not mean that they have any such mandate.”

Harry Reid (D. NV) the Senate Majority Leader remarked, “We laughed until we wet ourselves. I will not bring this to the Senate floor for debate because math is not debatable.”

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs reported, “The President believes we can find a bipartisan solution to this. He is confident we can agree that 2 + 2 = 4.5. The President looks forward to meeting with Mr. Boehner and Mr. Reid at the Goldman Sachs mixer to discuss this issue.”

The latest Gallup Poll shows that 24.7% of Americans agree with Republicans that 2 + 2 = 5, 66.3% trust that the 2 + 2 = 4 they vaguely remember learning in school is right, and 9% say, “I don’t give a fuck. What do I need math for anyway?”

39 Responses to “Republican Math”

  1. Letterman: Obamas dog Bo has turned 3. Do you know the difference between Obamas dog & the U.S. economy? Obama fixed Bo.

  2. Palin said that Korea is our ally. You still her after that, so you must believe her. You are a traitor as well as Palin is.

  3. Reminder: Barack Obama, who believes he has the authority to order assassinations of his own country’s citizens, has a Nobel Peace Prize.

  4. Shouldn’t there be some kind of restriction in this? For the vid or for the music, I’m not sure tho…

  5. I naturally want to agree with that as well in understanding that there are no physiological problems with the perception. However common sense is that which tells us the world is flat. There is a BBC special on the Himba tribe that suggests language has a stronger correlation with language than we might have imagined. (although the Himba tribe does have a method for how they organize color. So my point is moot really.)

  6. mitchianno kin says:

    Only us american can elect a such man as president. Can’t believe that he is the longest serving governor in the country. Those texans who elect him twice!!!! Plz stop bringing shame on our country. Perry drop your campaign. Go back to Texas, the only place you can be elected, the rest of us in the country are not stupid

  7. BIG KID GROW UP UR SON SHOULD PLAY BASEBALL NOT U UR 47 UR TOO OLD. WHATS WRONG WITH BIG GOVERNMENT? CHINA HAS BIG GOVERNMENT AND LOOK THEY ARE BECOMING WORLD SUPERPOWER? DUDE WASH UR FACE WITH COLD WATER LOOK IN A MIRROR , GET OFF COACH , CHINESE OPEN FACTORIES EVERY DAY WHILE U WATCH THE GAME WITH BEER AND POTATO COACH!

  8. Cain beats Obama at a walk. People need to get mad over these attacks and lies and VOTE Cain. says enough.

  9. nicastinge says:

    Authors: William E. East, Frans Pretorius, Branson C. Stephens There is great interest in numerical relativity simulations involving matter due to the likelihood that binary compact objects (BCOs) involving neutron stars will be detected by gravitational wave observatories in the coming years, as well as to the possibility that BCO mergers could explain gamma-ray bursts. We present a code designed for simulations of hydrodynamics coupled to the Einstein field equations targeted toward such applications. This code has recently been used to study eccentric mergers of black hole-neutron star binaries. We evolve the fluid conservatively using high-resolution shock capturing methods, while the field equations are solved in the generalized harmonic formulation with finite differences. In order to resolve the various scales that may arise, we use adaptive mesh refinement (AMR) with grid hierarchies based on truncation error estimates. A feature of this code is the…

  10. ghinozzi blouilli says:

    First, he’s allowed to go Christmas shopping, especially when Perry implies he’s not a Christian. Second, since when do conservatives complain that the government isn’t doing enough? Have you ever read PJ ORourke? He’s a throwback from when the right had intellectuals–miss those days–some great quotes regarding the benefits of the government doing less–anwyay, Merry Christmas

  11. Iran on Saturday began registering potential candidates for March parliamentary elections, a vote that will be especially hard fought between and opponents of President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad within the conservative camp. The

  12. kar johanguan says:

    ITS OK!! Just come out of the closet! It it almost 2012, you are excepted now. I am sure you and your Catholic priest or summer camp counselor and you will make a wonderful couple(s).

    Kiss my ass, fella. Korpikaani is the music of the Gods.

  13. Фелацио представља врсту оралног секса при ком се мушком партнеру пружа полни угођај посредством усана, језика, десни и образног ткива, дјејствујућих на његовом пенису.Пружатељ угођаја може бити женско (хетеросексуални однос) или мушко (хомосексуални однос)У случају да је пружатељ угођаја уједно и приматељ, реч је о аутофелацији (усмено-полном самозадовољавању)

  14. Many white men in KKK robes have done to blacks exactly what Barack Obama is doing to them presently. He could easily be a Grand Dragon.

  15. USA – wake up and smell the coffee folks! Republican nominees are a VERY weird bunch – do you REALLY wanna go back to THAT???

  16. i mean i am a nerd but then i talk to nerd friends and they think the big bang theory is funny and they like catchphrases and

  17. Here are the Obama youth ARMED Brown Obama” We need civilian national security force just as strong as the military” Camp FEMA –

  18. “A liberal in the USA is a person who acknowledges that life is not fair, people are basically honest and moral, and that we as a people need to pitch in and help one another to make the world a better place for everyone. Love they neighbor.”

  19. hace busse says:

    ♡ Hi all, I would really appreciate it if you could take a moment of your time to stop by my beauty channel and check out some videos – Summer ♡

  20. This about “resentment,” and to make fun of those pointing out that wrong that is KILLING thousands and thousands of people in the wealthiest nation in human history is as low as it gets.
    They “done better,” stolen. Doing better means helping others, being a better human being, not just hoarding massive wealth.

  21. I want you to open notepad and type this sentence out (no copy pasting) 100 times:
    “I will not keep watching a video if I do not enjoy it. Just because I dislike the song mean everyone else will.”

  22. could educate college kids on Nat Debt and effects of rising interest rates. Instead political gimmickery, one year adjustment bill..

  23. He has been convicted of minor charges such as trespassing, but I didn’t want to be misleading. Thanks for pointing it out.

  24. He may be a Democrat. He may have just won re-election. But Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson apparently still has a long way to go to impress the local Democratic

  25. it’s not just abt him, it’s about state & local races too. don’t forget the referendum signed by 300k that gop sec of state ignored

  26. hogi bitsu says:

    so you wind up with the new batman movie that is basically claiming socialism doesn’t work because vanguards are led by people

  27. Photo Reprint Rep. Edward T. Taylor, Democrat of Colorado, who at 81 is the oldest member of the House of Rep. H…

  28. pils sigroff says:

    its so hype that the Republican mascot is an elephant because i have a pet elephant his name is peanut and he a …

  29. eakeniama miharajah says:

    Finland has a assessment on kids in school. No wonder their education is claimed world’s best & at top. Its not socialism.

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  31. myrt paranjoerl says:

    SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Mitt Romney assumed the mantle of GOP standard bearer in a symbolic visit here Friday to a gathering of Republican officials, framing the general election contest against President Obama even as he avoided laying direct claim to the Republican nomination. Read full >>
    Jene Everroad liked Romney assumes mantle of Republican standard bearer on 21 April 2012 (7 months ago).

  32. Today President Obama spoke from the WH briefing room about the need to avoid tax hikes on the middle class. Watch: …

  33. I think Obama’s capitulation on the Bush tax cuts is a good sign he will not stand up to AIPAC on Hagel. No way. –

  34. Red is one of the three primary colors along with blue and yellow. Red, the color of human blood represent passion, love and anger. Love has also the meaning of strong desire of love or to be in a relationship. Red is commonly associated with danger, sacrifice, passion, fire, beauty, blood, anger, socialism and communism,
    Continue reading »

  35. AUGUSTA, Maine — Mark Willis of Dennysville has emerged as the wing of the GOP’s candidate to replace Reince Priebus as chairman of the National Republican Committee. The Republican Caucus National Committee, which has strong ties to the Ron Paul wing of the GOP, early Wednesday morning issued …

  36. En el momento de abandonar la escena, la secretaria de Estado Hillary Clinton defendió su trabajo en una entrevista concedida al New York Times. Y como complemento, agregó varias confidencias deslizadas en «off» a los periodistas, que a su vez las incluyeron en un . Preocupada por conservar sus posibilidades para la elección presidencial de 2016, la señora Clinton se esforzó en hacer recaer sobre el presidente Barack Obama la responsabilidad de su propio fracaso en Siria. Al cabo (…) – Controversias / EE.UU.: administración Obama, Siria, Estados Unidos, Clinton, Hillary R.

  37. paleatrik richeerdt says:

    lmao, the other day I was concerned that the bible conservative family that invaded my house could hea …

  38. Oh now these RW worms want Corporations 2 have a vote n municipal elections Guess they will b anonymous …

  39. maschefley menne says:

    Fellow Americans are watching this country slip away into socialism. We have to engage & stand tall for our founding fathers values

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